I'm going to jail i love you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
