i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
