Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
