nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
