I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
