Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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