I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
