and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
