We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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