glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
