Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
