I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
