i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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