Say something about gay babies.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Less talking, more tequila
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize