so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
