Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
