hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
