i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
