Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Damn victory sex feels great
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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