So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
