I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
