he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
