I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
