Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
