she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
