oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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