mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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