i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
