I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
