STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Success! We fucked roommates!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
