She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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