you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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