if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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