The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
