I am puke
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
