So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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