I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
