You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
