What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
