it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
