So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
