And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
