and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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