Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
