Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
