I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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