I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have aggressive nipples.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
