It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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