aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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