I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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