ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize