Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
