Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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