Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
