Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
