and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
