Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
