I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
