Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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