Don't you send me to vm
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i out mim tonsoeep
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
