There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
