allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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