Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is the high leading the old right now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
