She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
