time to smoke my breakfast
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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