yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
