whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
