Moan for me like Helen Keller
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
