I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
